


What Butterflies Eat

by Tealybob



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alternate Universe - Elementary School, M/M, Teacher AU, small children involved but not a major character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:32:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3690660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tealybob/pseuds/Tealybob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miles Kane: the only disruption in Alex's white picket fence life. He'd moved to a very small town and gotten a job at the elementary school, hoping to work on his book while he lived a calm and sunny life. When he'd first settled into town, he'd been pleased to find that there were little to no single women his age that he might find distracting from his life of zen. That was, of course, before he met the lanky sixth grade teacher.<br/>That was a little over a year ago. It had been an uphill trudge since then. Or downhill stumble, rather, since Alex somehow became a bumbling idiot every time the other man was around - rightly so, too, as Miles wasn't too subtle about his elongated gazes and 'under the cover' romantic quips he tossed around.<br/>Elementary teacher AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Turner or Miles Kane and these events did not take place in real life.

Of all of the children that had ever beamed up at him when they arrived at school, that had ever brought him an apple for lunch, that had hugged him at the end of the day before they got on the bus, Brody was Alex's favorite. He wasn't meant to have favorites, obviously, just as a mother wasn't meant to have favorites: they were all his to look after and teach, equally. But something about the small dirt-covered boy had always pulled at Alex's heart stings. He was bright, quick, thoughtful, understanding. But, probably above all else, blunt and curious.  
  
At ten past three every day, Alex walked the children outside to the buses, or to where their parents were waiting in their cars. Brody's father was always at least five minutes late, without fail. And in those five minutes, Brody would somehow manage to tell Alex a million stories about whatever crossed his mind.  
  
He always asked for his teacher's input, as well. "What do you think, Mr. Turner?" At the end of nearly every long statement, he inquired Alex's thoughts on the matter.  
  
"Where do butterflies go in the winter?"  
  
"I'm not sure, Brody. Perhaps they fly away with the birds, yeah?"  
  
"I think they could live inside with us. They could sleep inside. Then they wouldn't have to fly a really long ways. What do you think, Mr. Turner?"  
  
Alex chuckled to himself and shook his head in appreciation. "I think that's a charming idea. Will you try this winter?"  
  
Something caught the boy's attention momentarily, and then he mused deeply, trying to remember the forgotten question. "Yeah."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are you married?"  
  
There he was: the blunt and ever so curious Brody. Alex shook his head. "No, I'm not."  
  
"Do you want me to bring you a butterfly this winter so you're not lonely?"  
  
There he was: the thoughtful and touchingly understanding Brody. Alex smiled down at the boy. "That would be lovely."  
  
"What do butterflies eat?"  
  
His attention was stolen again, thankfully. (Alex hadn't the faintest what butterflies ate. Leaves?) Brody inhaled sharply and pointed. "There's dad!"  
  
Alex looked up to see the white truck pulling up next to the school. The door opened and his dad came around the car to scoop up a running Brody into his arms. Despite the divorce, it seemed that the boy wasn't being neglected, and Alex mentally thanked the fates for that. Brody turned to wave goodbye, and Alex returned the wave, sharing a nod with the father as well.  
  
Every day, the same excited look in his eyes, the same abundance of questions, and the same admiration for his teacher, which was mirrored without edit. He'd become Alex's favorite, undoubtedly.  
  
"Do you think his dad knows that school lets out at three rather than half-past?" A body appeared right behind Alex. Warmth and a familiar scent clouded over his shoulder. "Because he's never on time and it's occurred to me that he might not actually be aware."  
  
"He's only ever five or ten minutes late. Not so bad." Alex watched the white truck drive off. Brody's father must have been later than usual, if Miles was already free of all of his own students.  
  
"Besides," Alex carefully turned around, very aware of the space between them, "it gives me time to talk to my best mate for a while before he leaves."  
  
"Oh yeah? Talk about what balloons are made of again, did you?"  
  
"Butterflies, actually."  
  
Miles smirked. "Charming."  
  
Alex felt himself smiling and cleared his throat, looking down at his shoes. Miles had never been one for silences, though.  
  
"I'm on coffee run. Wanna ride along?"  
  
Alex shook his head as he took a deep breath. "I've got papers from Barker I've gotta work on."  
  
"Oh yeah?" He crossed his arms. "Same papers you were working on last week when I asked you out for coffee?"  
  
Looking up slowly, Alex watched the other teacher quirk an eyebrow and lick his smirking bottom lip. A brief moment was all Alex allowed himself to stare at his colleague. He knew from experience that the longer he stared, the further he walked into the danger zone of doing something completely stupid.  
  
Before he could feel the familiar twinge in his stomach fully climb up his spine and redden his face, he ducked his head and maneuvered around Miles, heading towards the school.  
  
Miles Kane: the only disruption in Alex's white picket fence life. He'd moved to a very small town and gotten a job at the elementary school, hoping to work on his book while he lived a calm and sunny life. When he'd first settled into town, he'd been pleased to find that there were little to no single women his age that he might find distracting from his life of zen. That was, of course, before he met the lanky sixth grade teacher.  
  
That was a little over a year ago. It had been an uphill trudge since then. Or downhill stumble, rather, since Alex somehow became a bumbling idiot every time the other man was around - rightly so, too, as Miles wasn't too subtle about his elongated gazes and 'under the cover' romantic quips he tossed around.  
  
Miles turned as Alex passed him. "Do them when we get back?" he negotiated.  
  
"I don't like to procrastinate."  
  
"Do them quickly and we can go after you're done."  
  
"It's going to take a bit of time."  
  
Miles pushed his hands into his pockets as Alex reached the doors. "What do you want, then, while I'm out?"  
  
"I'm fine, thanks."  
  
"Liar."  
  
"Really, I've got the school's coffee-"  
  
"The school's coffee is shit."  
  
Alex opened his mouth, found no words, and couldn't help cough out a laugh. "It... does just fine."  
  
"Alright, so a black coffee. Anything else?"  
  
"Miles-"  
  
Miles pulled his keys from his pocket as he turned away. "Be back in a bit, then. Enjoy the papers."  
  
It never mattered if he said he wanted anything along with his coffee or not. If Miles was on coffee run, he was sure to bring back something else. Alex blamed that for the reason he couldn't keep a grin off his face at the thought of coffee.  
  
Twenty minutes later, Miles walked into Alex's class room, making for the desk the working teacher sat at. He set down a tall coffee cup, along with two small muffins. Before Alex could say the usual 'You really didn't have to', Miles had walked out.  
  
Normally, when faced with an attractive being who did small things for him and smirked like a bandit, Alex had no problem convincing himself that the last thing he needed was to get hooked onto a new suitor. He'd done it many times in the past. Cocky smirkers were as common as leather jackets to Alex, and convincing himself he didn't have time had become as common as cigarette breaks. But there was one major difference between Miles and all the other cocky smirkers he had ever known. The other cocky smirkers had flirted when they were feeling lonely in hopes that he would have a one night stand with them and then part ways in the morning, no strings attached. If he was lucky, he'd get a 'thanks for last night' text sometime around noon.  
  
Miles, however, flirted like it was his second job, no matter what the atmosphere, in the hopes that Alex would agree to a date with him, and they would wake up in the morning in the same bed, no 'thank you' texts necessary. Miles wanted a relationship - there was no missing that (Miles had come straight out and said it more than a couple times), and Alex had been the one to capture his attention. Accidentally, of course.  
  
Alex had become infatuated with Miles when they'd met, yes, but not as much as Miles had become infatuated with him. It was easy saying no to cocky smirkers because they went away and didn't bother you once their egos were damaged. Saying no did absolutely nothing to Miles's ego, and he was back the next day with a new tactic.  
  
It was easy to say no to cocky smirkers because Alex truly did not want to have any relations with them. To say no to Miles was to lie to everyone in the conversation. And everyone in the conversation normally included Brody.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if I keep these short I can update more often, yeah? I'll do that.

It's basic chemistry. People fall in love with 'the one' because of a way they feel when around that certain person. Sometimes people are taken away with a stranger the second they see the other's face for the first time because of the natural bonds the two of their bodies have with one another. 

It's a theory, as well. Most people disagree with it unless they've experienced, themselves, a chemical connection to someone. Once it's felt, however, it's hard to look at it as a theory any longer. It seems to become the natural way of life, and you wonder how you could have been living under the impression of anything else. 

Once felt, most people don't think any more on the science of this concept. They accept it, they live it, and they move on. But if you're stuck inside your own head 80% of the time, and can never seem to stop thinking about the human mind, then you've pondered the meaning behind this chemistry. What do you do with it once it's taken root? 

If you have enough time, then you would eventually explore the relationship, hoping for some sort of achievement to come out of it. You don't explore the feeling with a stranger unless you're bold enough. Most people only dive into the chemistry if they're in a position to take their time. The result is an evolved relationship that normally lasts at least a week. A month, if you're determined, months - plural - if you can learn to live around their irritable traits, or even years, if you allow yourself to fall into the pool of hormones caused by this connection. 

Alex had experienced chemical connections with people in the past. He was no stranger to the theory. Given a random month of a year, he could tell you what the biggest chemical connection he'd had that month was. A few times even, he had held on with brute force and ended up with a long term girlfriend, all's well that ends well. But what he had not experienced was seeing someone for the first time and having a chemical connection so naturally defined and already-completed that to try and take the matter into his own hands seemed like a crime. A felony. Why try to touch something so simple and sweet? 

When he looked at Miles, he felt content with what they had. They had sarcastic side comments and not-so-subtle flirtings and the excitement of seeing what would happen with the other the next day. He had a chemical connection with Miles, and it was perfect how it was. 

The idea of taking it a step further, and maybe losing sarcastic side comments to sappy adoring comments, was what held Alex back. What if their not-so-subtle flirting turned into holding hands and sweet nothings passed in looks when they walked past one another in the hall? The excitement of seeing the other the next day could fall away any day after they make that step. 

That was where the two of them were on different pages. 

It was two o'clock Tuesday afternoon. Alex sat with Brody and the other children on the floor of their class room. He didn't know what most of them were doing, but they seemed very focused on their blocks and train pieces. That was something he liked about small children - no matter what nonsense they were going, it made sense to them, and it was the most important thing in the world at that exact moment. Maybe he never grew out of that. 

"Mr. Turner?" 

"Yes, Amanda?" 

"Brody won't leave my train alone." 

"Brody, what's wrong with your part of the train?" 

"He's laughing at my track," Amanda added, frowning animatedly at her offender. 

Brody looked up from the train track, pieces in hand, and his eyes wide. "No, I was teasing!" 

"We don't tease people, Brody," Alex began. 

The boy frowned. "You tease Mr. Kane." 

It was Alex's turn to frown. If he hadn't been so taken aback he would have laughed at all three of them frowning at one another. "I what?" 

"I heard him at recess. He said you tease him." 

"To you?" 

"He told Mrs. Till. I heard them." 

Alex internally rolled his eyes. As if there weren't enough downfalls about being on different pages with Miles, he also talked to everyone about it. "Mr. Kane didn't mean that I tease him. When you grow up, teasing means something else." 

"What does it mean?" 

Shit.

Alex hesitated. For as many times as Brody somehow rounded Alex into a corner with questions that couldn't possibly be answered, the teacher should have seen this coming. "It m-" 

Amanda chimed in. Everyone seemed to be interested in the conversation now. "My mom and dad tease each other a lot and they say it's because they like each other." 

Oh, thank God. He relaxed. "Yes, exactly. It's not a mean teasing; it's a nice teasing. That's what Mr. Kane meant." 

Amanda chimed in again. "You like Mr. Kane?" 

Dammit, Amanda. "I like Mr. Kane, but I don't love him." 

"I thought we were supposed to love everybody?" 

"You are, you are. I mean I don't want to marry Mr. Kane." 

Brody stared at Alex hard. "Why are you teasing Mr. Kane if you don't want to marry him?" 

"I'm teasing him, but not because I like him." 

Alex wouldn't have been surprised if Amanda's hands went on her hips. "So you were teasing him in the mean way." 

Alex sighed and stood up. "How about we find a book now?" 

The conversation was dropped once Alice in Wonderland was in their teacher's hands. The last hour of school went by quickly. The children behaved, Alex got caught up in his own head and went on auto pilot. At ten past three, he took them outside to the buses and their parents. At a quarter past three, Brody's father showed up. Brody waved goodbye, Alex waved goodbye, and Alex went back into the school. 

"You haven't left yet?" 

Alex snapped out of autopilot and found himself in the cafeteria, standing over the coffee pot with a mug in his hands. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Miles opening one of the cupboards over the refrigerator. "Sorry, what?" 

"It's almost five, mate." Miles turned with crackers in his hands. "You're normally gone by four." 

Alex might have responded, but if he did it was nothing more than a hum. He poured his coffee, which is what he figured he had been doing three minutes ago. He could decide if he liked days where he forgot how to function like a human and not a robot. They went fast, and he didn't do much (consciously, anyway), and he didn't mind losing himself in thought. But when he went two hours without remembering, he was doing nothing but wasting time. 

"Are you sticking around for more papers, then?" 

"Oh yeah," he finally replied, pulling himself out of his head completely. "I've got to fill out this long file saying that I've been harassing you sexually." 

Miles froze mid-bite into a cracker and frowned. "Excuse me?" 

He hid his smirk. "Couple of my kids heard you telling Mrs. Till that I was teasing you? They seemed very concerned." 

The other man laughed around his food. "I said you were a tease." 

"That makes it better, does it?"

He frowned to mimic Alex's fake serious face. "No, no I suppose it doesn't. You're right, I'm sorry." 

"I don't think you are." 

"I wouldn't be sorry even if you were filling out a real complaint. Maybe then you wouldn't be so damn stubborn." 

"How does me being stubborn feed into this?" 

"If you weren't stubborn, we'd be in a two year relationship right now. No teasing happening." His devilish smirk was slowly creeping onto his face, eyes testing Alex's stamina for the conversation. "Or it would be, depending on other areas of the relationship." 

Alex's stamina wasn't very strong, as Miles knew. His eyes cast down to his cup of coffee. "Or it could have ended badly and we wouldn't be talking right now." 

"That makes it better, does it?" 

"I think so." He looked back up. "I'd rather be talking about what could have been than not talking because of what was." 

"Have you always been such a poet?" 

Alex chuckled, rubbing his forehead and taking a slow step towards the door. "Probably." 

"Write me something for Valentine's Day, will you?" 

"Nah," he pursed his lips and pushed the door open. "Wouldn't want to seem like I'm teasing you or anything." 

"Al." 

Alex turned back with raised eyebrows, careful not to tilt his mug too much. Miles had a hand in his pocket, the other holding the food box in front of him. "I don't mean it in a negative light, you know." 

"What?" 

"When I talk about you with Mrs. Till. Or anybody, really. I don't really see you as a tease." 

Alex felt himself smiling, and he nodded as it grew across his face. Because if he muffins and constant compliments hadn't told Alex enough, Miles wanted to make sure they were clear. Maybe that was another reason Alex didn't mind Miles's frequent pursuits. They were anything but conspiratorial. "I know." He lifted his mug as he reeled his smile back into his own head, saving the moment. "Cheers, mate. I'll see you tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's commented and such! It is going to be multi-chaptered, and I'm unsure how many chapters there will be, and they'll be short, mind you, but hopefully frequent. I'm on tumblr at ivenoticed-twice if anyone wants to go request a drabble or other sort of stories there.   
> There was something else I was gonna say... but I can't remember now, as usual.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy thanks for the comments and reblogs on tumblr and all X) I remembered my question: Do people normally respond to comments on here? I always see the author responding so I didn't know if me not responding looked rude...?

There was nothing wrong with being curious, especially as a child. Especially as a child with parents going through a divorce, and as a child whose outlook on love was being flipped on its head. Asking questions was a very good sign and excellent move for a child as such. The only problem with the entire situation was being the person at the bunt of all the straight forward, rather difficult questions. And as his new favorite person, Alex had to endure Brody's ever-spinning web of question marks.

Alex walked down the hall on his way back to the cafeteria. With Brody at his side, he stopped whenever the boy became distracted, and had to walk quickly whenever the boy sprinted ahead.

"Are we going to have another play day with the older kids?"

"Not today. That was a special occasion."

"Why?"

"That day, Mr. Kane had to talk to Mr. Barker for a while, so his class came to spend time with you."

"What was Mr. Kane talking to Mr. Barker about?"

"Business."

"That's what mom and dad talk about a lot. They say 'secret business'. Do you like business, Mr. Turner?"

"Sometimes."

"I don't like business."

No, probably not if it meant your parents were walking in two different directions and leaving you stranded in the middle. Alex ran his hand over Brody's hair, rocking his head playfully.

Brody pointed forward enthusiastically, throwing his head up against Alex's hand as he stretched to look at his teacher. "There's Mr. Kane!" he whispered, eyes wide and shining, as if they'd been telling one another secrets.

"Here I am!" Miles returned down the hall, cupping his mouth. "Are you two talking about me?"

"Mr. Turner says you're doing secret business with Mr. Barker."

Miles shot a look at Alex, who started laughing as if queued. "Please," Miles said quietly, and Alex could hear the sarcasm just in that single word, "don't bother explaining or anything."

"Your meeting with him yesterday," Alex coughed.

Brody began speaking again. "Is it angry business?"

Alex turned away to hide his grin. Miles at least had the decency to kneel down and continue speaking to the small boy. "Angry business?" He frowned. "No, I don't think so."

"Is it sad business?"

"No, no, it's just business."

"Are you in trouble?"

Miles shook his head.

Brody tilted his head. "Then why are you having business?"

"Business doesn't mean someone is in trouble, or someone is angry. Business is just two people talking about very official things. Like what lunch for tomorrow will be."

Brody looked up at the still giggling Alex. "Do you have business with Mr. Barker, Mr. Turner?"

Alex nodded. "Every week."

Brody looked to Miles, who was still squatted beside him. "Do you have business together?"

Miles and Alex shared a look, the smaller of the two being taller for a rare moment. "Sometimes," Miles told Brody.

"But not angry business, right?"

"No." Miles ruffled the boy's hair just as Alex had done not five minutes ago. "Pleasant business."

"Pleasant?"

"Happy."

"Oh."

Miles stood back up slowly, leaving Brody to tilt his head back in order to look at either of the teachers. Which he did, thoughtfully and with great interest. His eyes went back and forth from Miles to Alex, to one's crossed arms to the other's arms hanging loose at his sides, to one's pleased face to the other's still lightly chuckling one. "Do you love each other?"

An impossible question, one that could not be answered simply, and Alex stood at the receiving end, being expected to deliver the holy answer that the child would without a doubt take to heart and not forget for years to come. Alex braced himself.

Did they love one another?

_Yes, of course we do._

Immediately the boy would live with the expectation that his teachers would openly show their love for one another, since that was what his father was facing at that point.

_No, of course we don't._

And the boy would think love doesn't exist, since that's what his mother was telling him at that point.

Alex snapped his gaze to Miles's, hoping to share his internal thoughts. This was possibly the most delicate situation they could have been handed.

Alex opened his mouth slowly. "Yes-"

"No-" Miles's started. "Yes?"

Alex felt his stomach drop. Shit. It had gone further than just answering a child's question. Damn Miles and his teenage, hormonal classroom. "Well, I mean," he whispered to

Miles, about to set the adult side straight, but Miles continued before he could.

"Yes, of course," Miles confirmed to Brody, smiling ear to ear.

"But not like husband and wife!" Alex jumped in, eyebrows high and eyes watching Brody like the boy was a bomb.

Brody frowned at the older men. "Like husband and husband?"

Fuck.

Scratch before. This was possibly the most delicate situation they could have been handed.

Thank God, Miles seemed to be caught up with the tediousness of the fully loaded question. He visibly collected himself and turned again to Alex, asking for a life vest.

Alex cleared his throat. "No, not like husband and husband."

The boy's eyes fell. "Is husband and husband bad? Mom says it's bad."

"No, no, no, it's not bad at all!"

"Don't tell him his mother is wrong," Miles hissed into Alex's ear.

"Well, I meant- Mr. Kane and I- we're not even boyfriend and boyfriend yet, so-"

"Yet?" The word came from both mouths in front of Alex. His eyes went to Miles's in a frantic search for help, but Miles was now completely taken over by...something not very helpful at all.

"Mr. Kane and I don't love one another like that, Brody." This time Alex bent down, just to get away from Miles's eyes. "We love one another as friends. Not as boyfriends."

"How do you know if you love someone like friends or like boyfriends?"

Miles answered. "It feels different." Alex looked up to find the other man's eyes pinned to Brody, and a wave of tension rolled off his back.

"Like how?" Brody kept up.

Alex stood and cleared his throat for maybe the fourth time in the entire conversation. "We'd better be heading back to lunch now. Say goodbye to Mr. Kane, Brody."

"Goodbye, Mr. Kane," the boy waved, already tracking down the hall ahead of Alex.

Alex paused a moment to share a look of stress with the other teacher, but the other man was already watching him with a stare as deadpanned as an unamused judge. It sent a jolt down Alex's spine, and he wasted not another moment standing there and quickly hurried after Brody, feeling his back flood with ice water. 

* * *

"So, how do you know if you love someone like a friend or like a boyfriend?"

Alex paused his writing.

His new visitor was slowly meandering through the empty classroom with his hands in his pockets, seeming to be examining the wall hangings.

Alex slowly set his pen down. "What?"

Miles tilted his head in consideration. "I suppose if you love a friend, you want to talk to them. But if you love a boyfriend, you want to kiss them."

"What are you doing, Miles?"

"I was going to answer Brody's question earlier, before you ran off, but realized that there's no safe way to tell a child that. If you tell them you want to kiss a boyfriend, they'll think that boyfriends are only good for kissing and, when they get older, more intimate things."

"I saved us from the conversation, though," Alex reminded. "So why would you need an answer?"

"What if the question arises again?"

"We tell him to ask his parents."

"What if he's not the one that wants an answer?"

Alex stopped his words. Things between the two teachers were normally filled with a numbing, soft tension. Every day, when one entered the room, the air got a little warmer. But sometimes, every once in a while, one would enter the room, and the air would become warm - but warm enough that it was slightly suffocating. This was one of those times. "I don't understand what you're getting at."

Miles was close to the desk now, and he sat sideways on it as he spoke. "How do you know if you love someone like a friend or a boyfriend, Al?"

"It feels different."

The smile on Miles's face made the conversation as scary as it had been the first time they'd had it with Brody. "Like how?"

Alex found himself looking back to his paper just so that he could get away from Miles's mischievous eyes. "I think that's a question for you and your parents, Mr. Kane."

Miles laughed and it was enough to relax Alex a bit. "My mom says you'll want to kiss and hug and spend every day with a boyfriend."

"Well, who am I to argue with what a grown up says?"

"But that leaves me in a complicated situation, since I want to kiss and hug and spend every day with someone who isn't my boyfriend."

Alex raised his eyebrows. "I'm sure that worries your mother." 

"She says to try and make them my boyfriend."

"And how is that going?"

"You tell me."

Alex cleared his throat quickly. "Honestly, why are we having this discussion?"

Miles beamed. "To see how far you'd play along." 

"Is this a game now?"

"Might as well be."

"How do I quit?"

Miles chuckled. "You don't. There's only leveling up."

"What level does that put us at, then?"

"Zero, because someone's a fucking tease." 

"Zero?" Alex repeated, starting to gather up his papers. "Even after all the eye rolling and rejection I've put you through?"

"Oh, very funny, Turner," Miles threw back. He stood from the desk as Alex rose from his chair. "Are you physically running from the conversation now?"

"I have papers for Barker."

"Regarding your sincere apology for leading me on for the past year?"

"Funny, I don't recall any leading on."

"Oh, yeah, you must have forgotten about it, what with pretending so hard that I don't get to you."

Alex rubbed the top of his head to mask the annoying smile on his face. "Is this conversation almost done?"

"If it must be," Miles breathed tiredly. "But, back to my original question: how do you know if-"

"If you love someone like a friend, then I suppose you only buy them a coffee."

Miles stood speechless for a moment, staring with his head tilted down and his mouth froze on the sentence Alex had cut short. Alex bent the corners of the papers in his hands, trying not to breathe too loudly in the silence.

Miles looked down and lifted his eyebrows, impressed, it seemed. "But if you love someone as a boyfriend..."

His eyes glanced back up, waiting.

Alex rubbed his lips together. "Then there's probably a box of muffins left in my desk if you want one." He ducked his head and made for the door. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha yes, yes I AM this bad at updating regularly.   
> I love you if you were interested enough to read, though.

The weekends were Alex's best friend. Not because he could relax at home (though that was an extra prop) or because he didn't have to be around his students (which was a bit of a con in some ways), but because he could work as much as he wanted on his book. A week of ideas and jotting things down was what fueled his weekend of extensive writing and plotting.

On Mondays and Tuesdays he normally wrote notes about his kids, having missed them for the past couple days and found everything they did refreshingly adorable. Wednesdays tended to give him ideas about the sadness and hopelessness of people, since that was when the rest of the teachers got tired of their weeks and began moping around. Thursdays was his own day for getting tired. Not many ideas were jotted down on Thursdays. But Fridays, when a certain someone knew he wouldn't be seeing Alex for a few days, was when Alex was given an abundance of ideas for potential romantic words on paper.

All weekend he would write, not wishing to do anything else, and not regretting doing nothing when Monday finally rolled around. But what he did regret was how late into the night he would write.

He walked into the cafeteria Monday morning as he yawned. He wasn't a morning person in the first place, so waking up before the sun after staying up all night writing chapter after chapter based on a certain love muse in his life made his current state of being one from hell.

"Mr. Turner!"

He took a deep breath and turned slowly. Thus began his Monday Mayhem.

Benjamin - Benny, he liked to be called - came running up to him, overgrown blond hair blowing behind him. Until he stopped, and then it all came falling back into his eyes. Alex chuckled. They had that problem in common. "Good morning, Benny."

"I was outs- Good morning." He only paused for a second before continuing his obviously exciting story. "I was outside and I saw a spider!"

"Oh my," Alex lifted his eyebrows. "And what did you do with it?"

"I killed it."

"With your shoe?"

"No, with my hands." The boy lifted his small, filthy palms, and Alex's eyes immediately tracked to a particularly dark spot on his right hand.

"We should get those hands washed. That's not very clean, is it?"

"Oh... no."

Alex made to take the boy's hand - quickly decided on his wrist instead - and began leading them towards the kitchen. "Let's go, then. Where've you put your bag?"

"I put the spider in my bag."

"Well that's not very clean, either. Now he's all over your things."

The boy gasped, clearly not having thought about this previously. "His blood?"

Alex nodded.

"I have new toys!"

"It will come off, don't worry a bit. Where did you leave it?"

Benny had his head hung now, following slowly behind his teacher. "At the swings..."

Alex lead the small boy towards the back of the kitchen. He found a footstool for the child and helped him up, turned on the water, then let him go about his clumsy business while Alex took out his phone.

"Good morning, Mr. Turner."

"Are you on morning watch?"

"I am. Why? Have you got something more interesting I could be watching?"

If that was a sexual innuendo, Alex was going to ignore it. "Can you bring me the lone bag by the swings? Benny killed a spider and left it in there, and then left _that_ outside. I know you're on recess duty, it's just that the bell's about to ring and I'm in the kitchen trying to clean him up and-"

"Is it the orange and green one?"

"Benny, is it orange and green?"

Benny looked up from his sudsy hands and nodded. "Tell him to clean the spider blood off my toys!"

Miles chuckled. "Tell him I'm to his rescue."

"He's already doing it," Alex repeated. The boy smiled and continued to rub his hands under the water. "We're in the kitchen."

"You said that."

"Thanks, Mi."

"Mi? That's a new one. Is it short for 'my love'?"

Alex smirked. "Nothing gets past you, does it?"

"Absolutely nothing."

Miles came walking into the kitchen minutes later while Alex was washing his own hands, thanks to some encouragement from Benny. The orange and green bag hung off Miles's shoulder, making Alex shake his head for a moment. He couldn't just carry it normally, could he?

Benny came bounding up to the new member of the party. "Did you get the spider blood off?"

"Of course I did. Everything's clean as a whistle now. No more spiders."

"Did you throw him away?"

"Yes."

"What if he gets out?"

"I thought you killed him."

"I did."

"Then he won't get out."

"My brother said dead things come back to life and eat you."

Miles looked up to Alex for a second, hid his smirk, then looked back to Benny solemnly. "I promise that dead things do not come back to life. And they cannot eat you."

The bell rang before Benny could open his mouth to respond, and Alex quickly instructed the boy to head off before he was late.

"Ah, brothers," Miles smiled as the boy ran off. "But now that we're alone-"

"I don't even want to know where you're going with that."

Miles turned away as he scoffed, theatrically. "When will I grow tired of the rejection?"

"You won't. That's the point."

Miles laughed in amusement. "What point?"

"Our point. What makes us 'us'."

"Then we need to find a different point because, honestly..." His eyes fell down, unfocused as he shook his head. "This one's starting to eat at me."

Sometimes, when one of them entered the room, the air got a little warmer. But sometimes, like right then, the air would become a little too warm for comfort. Miles's eyes became a little too serious for comfort. And Alex's lack of creativity for an answer was too unsettling for comfort.

"Is it, really?"

His eyes flashing back to Alex's was enough of an answer. It was eating at him more than either of them wanted to admit. That much was too obvious for comfort. And so was the quiet.

"I should get to my classroom before all the kids get in there." Alex took a step backwards, towards the door. "You too, actually."

"I'm not upset, you know."

"You don't look not upset."

"I'm... impatient is all."

"Nothing is going to change any time soon, Miles. Do yourself a favor and stop waiting. Please."

"Isn't that our whole point, though?"

There was a pause. In the seconds that passed, Alex licked his lips and looked down. Miles stuffed his hands in his pockets, eyes remaining locked on the other man. And Alex nodded twice. "Then maybe we are in need of a new point."

"Why can't things change?"

"Because I'm not ready for them to change. You know that."

"Do I? For all the things we say without using our mouths, maybe we're reading some wrong signals."

"Why haven't you made any advances?"

"Because you're-" Miles stopped, understanding.

"Because you can tell I'm not ready. Our signals are pretty damn clear, I think."

"That's about the only thing we're doing correctly, then."

"For now, can't that be enough?"

"It's been this way for over a year, Alex."

"So what's changed recently?"

Miles stopped again, but it wasn't because he was realizing anything. This pause was for a completely different reason.

He lifted a shoulder an inch, then dropped it with just as much effort. He came closer, shaking his head. "I'll see you at lunch."

Alex stood by as the other man walked through the kitchen doors. The bell rang a second time as Alex watched him move slowly down the hall.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex still sat at his desk an hour after school let out, frowning over papers that consisted of bullet pointed lists upon lists upon lists...

"Have you got a second?"

Alex looked up. The fog of focus lifted from his mind rather quickly the second he registered who was in the room. Standing tall and lanky in the doorway, hand in his pocket and the other on the door, Miles was the one picture that could unnerve Alex faster than a roller coaster.

Alex cleared his throat. If this was a continuation of that morning, he probably wasn't ready for it. No - no he _definitely_ wasn't ready for it. He looked down to his papers, searching for a distraction in the form of business. "I'm getting an understudy."

His words came out fast and uneasy, and he was sure Miles was going to bow his head and leave the room in the understanding that Alex was a lost cause. So when he heard a laugh, he was the most confused he'd been all day. "Oh, Lord."

Miles strode in slowly, taking his time. "When does she get here?"

Alex had to cast a look towards the sticky note on his desk. "In a week."

"A week?" It was enough to change the atmosphere in the room, and Alex relaxed. Miles pulled a small chair away from the round table in the corner and set down in it in front of Alex's desk. "And you're just finding out?"

Alex let go of the paper and rubbed his left eye. "I'm convinced Barker wishes death upon me."

"Nah, everyone loves you." Alex's eyes cautiously looked up. Miles was busying his own eyes with some posters on the wall. "Barker's just a terrible principal," he continued.

Alex sighed, "She's only here for two months, though. Shouldn't be too bad."

"That's what we thought about that ginger bloke last year. He was a pain. And he was only here for one month."

"Thanks, mate. Needed that."

"Would you rather I start flirting instead?"

If Alex was unnerved before, he didn't know what to call this. He was terrified and excited. If he had ever thought he knew the brain pattern of Miles Kane, he was wrong for the umpteenth time.

Miles sat there smirking like a dick who knew exactly how cocky he was. "I'm better at that, anyway. S'more fun, too."

Alex smiled to himself like a school girl who couldn't control her stomach muscles. This was better than the uncomfortable awkwardness he had been preparing himself for. "You could always leave and let me be to my devastating paper work."

"Or I could take you out to dinner?"

"Miles-"

"It's nearly five, too."

"It's only four."

"It'll be five by the time I get you off your arse and out the door."

"I've got to finish these papers."

"Says who?"

"I'm going to physically remove you from my classroom."

" _Let's get physical, physical-_ "

"Miles, for the love of-"

"I have to flirt with you."

"Sorry?"

Miles took a pause, raising a hand to rub the back of his head. "I can't _not_ flirt with you, Alex. What we talked about this morning - I'm sorry if it got... uncomfortably real - but I meant everything that I said."

Alex opened his mouth.

"I know," Miles stopped him, "that you don't want anything to happen right now. I know. So I'm not going to be around you with the hopes that you'll 'come to your senses' or anything like that. I mean..." He chuckled. "I probably will to some extent - but for the most part, we're fine where we are."

"Then why-"

"But if I have to walk around you in the halls without saying anything, without smirking or making you pay attention to me, then..."

There was a break in words. Both from Alex and Miles. Alex could do nothing but wait while Miles visually recomposed himself.

"Okay," he started again, leaning forward on his little chair, eyes focused and on fire. "I'm not going to say it. For both of our sake, I won't. But I can't feel what I feel and not do anything about it. My way of coping is by flirting my way through the days and making an ass of myself, so please, _please_ don't take that away from me or I _will_ go out of my mind."

"Miles, breathe. I didn't say you couldn't flirt-"

"Technically, no, you didn't. I just want to make it clear that for all the moping and crying and sappy shit I do for you, I'm fine where we are right now."

"You're fine?"

"I'm fine because you're fine."

"I'm not fine."

The color drained from Miles's face. "You're not fine," he repeated.

"I'm not fine-" Alex motioned between them, "with all this."

"Then what will make it fine?"

"I don't know!"

Miles planted his face in his hands. "Jesus Christ," he said, voice muffled. "This is a fucking mess."

Alex scratched the back of his head while he watched Miles, waiting for any sign of an explosion about to happen.

Miles took a deep breath, pulled his hands from his face, and stood to stretch his legs. "Why are you not fine with it, Alex?" he said in an overly calm voice, eyebrows high like a therapist.

Alex couldn't tell if his frustration was confusion or if it was actually becoming anger. "I'm not okay with it because you're only sticking around with the hopes that I'll give in eventually. And that's not fair to either of us."

"I," Miles put his hand on his chest, "am sticking around because I enjoy being in your company."

"Why?"

"Because you're a likable person?" he frowned in question.

"You're here because you're waiting for a date."

"I'm here because if I can't date the man of my dreams, then I would at least like to be around him for as long as I can before he moves or I move or something tears us apart for good."

"You can't keep saying things like that."

"Why? It's the truth-"

"It sets me on edge."

"Because you're disgusted?"

"What? No, of course not-"

"Then why can't I say things like that?"

"You're not the only one involved in this, Miles. Respect my side of it, would you?"

Miles nodded, eyes locked on Alex's. He took a step towards the side of the desk, and the electricity in Alex's spine kicked up several notches. "I realize that this is two sided, thank you. I respect that this is two sided. I respect your side. Now you should try to respect my side."

"I think I've been fairly patient with-"

"Why can't I say things like that?"

Alex inched out of his chair as Miles came closer. "I have my reasons, mate."

"Is it because you're repulsed by the idea of me wanting you?"

"I've already said no to that."

"Is it because you want me to stop pursuing you once and for all?"

Alex forced himself to breathe. "No."

Miles rounded the corner. "Do you have any interest in me at all?"

"I think you know the answer to that-"

"Then why can't I say things like that?"

Alex's thigh bumped the edge of his desk. He stopped moving suddenly and almost took a step forward in his sudden wake. "Because I'm trying awfully hard not to fall in love with you and when you say shit like I'm the 'man of your dreams'-"

Realization hit him like a brick and he stopped to breathe, opening his eyes to the situation. He glanced at the door, making sure no one was around to hear his outburst.

He turned back to Miles. He could feel his cheeks burning. "I don't need to hear things like that."

"Because you're falling in love with me."

"I-"

"Is that such a bad thing?"

Alex was aware of every breath that entered his body. The fact that each breath was tinted with Miles's scent was a fact he found slightly irritating. He needed space.

"It's not what I want."

Miles's jaw was set and his presence was overbearing. Alex found eye contact to be almost a test.

"Why?" His word came out sharp. It cut through any bullshit that might have remained.

Alex exhaled his hesitance and glared back into Miles's dead set gaze. "Because if we fall in love with one another, and we become an item, and it doesn't work out, I will lose the best relationship of my life."

Miles licked his lips. "You're worried about this ruining our friendship."

"Did I say friendship?" Miles narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Thinking about you recharges me more than sleeping does. I don't want that to turn into some kind of despair that eats at me every night because we fucked things up."

"How could this be fucked up?"

Miles came forward once again, and the desk behind Alex kept him in place. "We're in love with one another and we're not even together yet, Alex."

Miles's hand began to rise into the air, and Alex caught it before it could come any closer to his head. "I'm not ready to accidentally lose that."

Their hands fell to their sides. "You're so sure it won't work."

"You're so sure it will."

Miles took a pause. "And we're back to the two-sided relationship."

"It's more like a coin," Alex mumbled, keeping his attention down now that his adrenaline had fallen off of its high.

But he didn't have time to recoup. Miles was still there, standing in his breathing space, not backing down. "Alex-"

He paused, looking down to the same thing Alex had found so interesting on the floor. There was maybe three inches between their feet. Not the closest they had ever been, but under the circumstances, it felt as if they'd never reached this kind of proximity.

"Do you ever see yourself with me? Or, in your mind, do we just stop here?"

Did he see himself with Miles? Was that really a question?

When he thought about his future, Miles was all there was. He couldn't imagine his life without him. If Miles left the school, or if Miles gave up on what they had, then how would Alex get out of bed every morning? How do you move on once you've placed your life source in someone you're ready to never let go of?

So why wasn't he moving forward now? If wanted to stay with this man forever...

Because relationships end. Alex had more What Ifs than he knew how to deal with. At least this What If was a positive one. This one fueled Alex's dwindling light. This one wasn't broken yet.

"In my mind, we live happily ever after."

Miles shook his head, taking Alex's head between his hands. "Then what the hell is stopping you?"

Alex's hands grasped Miles's wrists. "That's _in my mind_. Please don't ruin it, Miles."

Miles broke in front of him. Alex saw it. The light in his eyes blew out and his hands lost their desperate touch. He pulled away, finished with words, and stepped towards the door.

A million more words flew through Alex's mind. Half of them being apologies. But the most vivid thought:

He had just ruined everything by trying to preserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woot woot.... *awkward confused self dancing* thanks for reading??? sorry for the drama?? this chapter kills me to post but it will be better soon?


	6. Chapter 6

So what if they got together? What would happen? They would hold hands. They would kiss. They would spend the night with one another. They could ride in to school together. Were they allowed to ride into school together? Was that against some contract about teachers seeing one another? No, it couldn't be. The principal was married to the fourth grade teacher.

But what if they split up and Alex's car doesn't start because it's just been sitting in his garage since he'd been riding with Miles? Was he to walk to school?

_Yes, Alex, I'm sure your car would completely break down after a couple weeks of not running._

This was his weekend. This was his method of stressing. Entertain whichever thoughts floated through his head, then scold himself. The sad thing was, however, that he knew this method got him nowhere. He might entertain passing thoughts, but he didn't attack the main problem. He knew that. He hated that.

So there he sat, staring at his bedroom wall, sheets pooled around his torso, new sunlight spilling slowly through the window, and he contemplated the days ahead. The months ahead. His life in general, really.

So what if they broke up? What would happen? They would stop holding hands. They would stop kissing. They would stop doing anything with their mouths, basically, since sarcastic banters would more than likely come to an end as well. They would spend the night _thinking_ of one another, but not actually being together. They would ride into school separately. And at some point, they'd get out of their cars at the same time and linger in the uncomfortable silence. Their mouths doing nothing but fighting their minds.

And that's exactly what would happen. Alex dropped his head back against the wall as he acknowledge that he wasn't making anything up there.

He couldn't live like that. What would become of him? A good 40% of him was Miles - Miles in his thoughts, in his dreams, in his hopes, in his plans, in his peripheral vision. If something tainted that... something new and poisoned would fill that 40%, and the other 60% would be taken over by the depressing virus in no time.

...If something tainted that.

Like, if they broke up.

...Or if... Alex ruined any chance of them having something to break.

Which, three days before, regrettably, he had.

"Fuck off," he cursed his mind. Or the morning. _Everything, fuck everything._

To groan and rub his eyes and kick his covers off was all he had. The rest of the day was a job he didn't have a choice but to do. So he stood up and shut his curtains and made his way for the bathroom against his will.

* * *

Alex blinked and the next thing he saw was his hands on the steering wheel of his unmoving car, parked outside the school with the engine still running. He had to go inside that building. Where he would see Miles. And they would say small passing words as they tried to walk around one another in the hall. 

Alex closed his eyes, as if that would cut that image out of his mind.

It didn't, in case you were wondering. So he put on sunglasses to further block his eyes from the world.

He got out of his cheap car and grabbed his bag. Slamming the door was a way to show the universe how upset he was with it, so he slammed it as hard as he could.

His feet felt heavy as he walked towards the school. Everyone was allowed their bad days, but _fuck_ , this feeling of dread, emptiness, and regret was a mixture for more than just a bad day. On a bad day, he could smile at his children and manage to hide his sigh of exhaustion from them. But imagining going in there now, and putting on some sort of happy front...

He sighed right there on the pavement, standing before the doors. He wasn't even inside yet and he was wishing he could go back to his car. Where he would more than likely cry at the pathetic mess that had become his life.

He opened the doors, walked inside, and stopped for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darker interior of the building lights. Taking his sunglasses off would help him wonders, sure, but that would mean...well...taking his sunglasses off. So he stood frozen, waiting for everything to come into focus through the lenses.

And, of course, the first thing that came into focus and registered in his mind was Miles standing before him.

Alex thought about how nice the inside of his car would have been at that moment.

Miles stretched a hand out. He held a coffee in both hands, and one was being offered up, it seemed. "You're nearly late," he said.

"I had a long night," Alex murmured. He didn't take the coffee, though. That felt like some sort of theft. It was more than likely a peace offering of some sort, but Alex was in no position to feel worthy enough for a gift of forgiveness. Or he was too far out in his lake of self pity to even _want_ peace.

So he stood still, staring at Miles in defiance, even though he eyes were shaded, not taking the coffee from-

"Take the bloody coffee, Al." Miles rolled his eyes.

Alex cracked, and took it. _Fuck everything_.

Miles reached for a folder under his arm. "I've got papers for you about Ms. Carlisle."

"Who?"

"Your understudy."

"Oh."

"Barker said you needed to have all of these looked over and signed by the end of the day."

Alex took the folder. "Why'd he give them to you?"

"He left earlier." Miles licked his bottom lip, then took a long drink of coffee. "Gave them to me because I've been waiting for you."

Alex blinked. "You've been waiting for me?"

Miles shook his head, taking a step back, like he might run at any second. "It was for the coffee, mate - don't think anything of it."

"I didn't."

Miles gave Alex's words their own pause, then chuckled. "Right, so..." Miles inhaled deep and slow, bracing himself. "You have your coffee now. I'll be off, then." He turned around.

"Do you hate me as much as I hate me?"

He turned back around. This time slowly, less in a hurry to face the next moment. Alex pulled off his glasses. Miles frowned. "Why would I hate you?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"I could never hate you, Alex."

"Then what?"

Miles scoffed. "After everything last week... Is there even a safe way for me to answer that?"

Standing in front of him with that disgusted, offended look on his face, Miles showed no resemblance to the man who had spent the last year and a half warming up to Alex. Because Alex had killed that. All that remained of Miles - in association to Alex - was...

Well, not hate. At least that had been established.

But if Miles's answer was anything other than hate, they would be back to square one, with Alex saying 'no' on repeat. He knew that. It was a circle they kept wheeling around. So what the hell was he doing asking such questions?

Alex slipped his glasses back on, and without any further words, he turned right and headed down the hall, coffee and folder in hand.

* * *

**Have certain times set aside for the student teacher to work with the children.**

_If you were so sure about shutting down the whole relationship, why do you feel like shit now?_

**The student teacher must fill out forms every week to ensure that they are still on track with their studies as your understudy.**

_Maybe you shouldn't have broken up with him if he was already this installed in your mind._

**The student teacher must** _not break up with Miles._

Alex dropped the paper down onto his desk and rubbed his eyes. How much had he screwed himself over if he couldn't even read a single sheet of lists without getting tragically distracted by the mistake that was Miles?

"Mr. Turner?" 

_Finally. A real distraction._ Alex turned to Brody, who stood by the desk timidly. Alex tried to relax, tried to ease the tense atmosphere.

"Yes, Brody, what is it?"

In his hands he held a square book that was bigger than his own torso. Alex assumed he was going to ask for him to read them a story, so he was surprised when Brody look at his desk and said, "What are you doing?"

"I'm filling out papers."

"Business?"

Alex smiled. "Yes. Business. You're getting another teacher soon."

"Another teacher? Are you leaving?"

"No, I'll still be here. But you'll have a second one. She's learning how to be a teacher."

"Are you telling her how to be a teacher?"

"Yes."

"You're a good teacher."

Alex smiled again, then wondered if his smile ever faltered around the boy, or if it just grew. "Thank you, Brody."

"Will you read us this book?"

There it was. Alex took the book from the boy and inspected the front. "The Little Duckling? Didn't we read this one last week?"

"I like that one."

"You don't want to read a new one?"

"But I like that one."

Alex sighed. Maybe it was in those moments that his smile took a break. In the moments when he realized how simple children's lives were. If you had something you liked, why bother with anything different? You're already happy.

And, God, if that wasn't a message from the heavens...

Alex stood up from his chair before he could let his mind connect the stupid book in his hands to Miles. "Alright, gather everyone up, then."

Brody turned to the classroom and began yelling at the other students to move to the reading corner (gently, of course, because it was mean to yell).

* * *

Four hours later, Alex sat at his desk again, leaning over papers and furrowing his brow to keep from thinking about certain people.

How long would this go on? Was this a temporary problem? Was this something that would heal in time?

What did healing mean? They would move past being angry and just become unsettled around one another? Would that turn into hate? A slow, burning distaste for the other's choices that bubbled and set for so long that in a year's time - or less - they imagine strangling the other whenever their paths crossed.

This was literally precisely the thing Alex had been trying to avoid in the first place.

He dropped his pen, along with his head, onto the desk.

"Mr. Turner?"

His head shot off the desk.

"Mr. Barker, hello."

The overgrown being that was Brent Barker walked proudly into Alex's schoolroom. He was a nice man, Alex was sure, if he could only get over himself and be a more considerate principal. "Have you got those papers?"

Alex looked down and quickly scribbled his signature onto the last page. "Yes, right here."

Barker came closer with a smile on his face as he took them from Alex. "Excellent. Are you excited?"

Alex held back a deep breath. "I'm ready to see the challenges." Yeah, right.

"Excellent. She'll be here tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? I thought she was going to be here on Friday."

"She was, but she arrived here early and, well," the man shrugged, "I don't see any reason to keep her waiting."

Alex forced a smile. _I can think of quite a few reasons, you ugly, self-involved_ \- "Sounds lovely," he forced out.

"Excellent." If there was one word in the English language that Alex was sick of hearing, it was 'excellent.' "Thank you for the papers, Mr. Turner. Get home and rest before tomorrow. You're here all too much."

_I could leave_ , Alex thought, _but my mind stays here, anyway, so what would be the point?_

Barker left. Alex dropped his head to the desk again. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write something about Alex interacting with kids. And this is how it ended up going. Because if Alex is going to be with kids Miles is obviously going to be in the background somewhere. And if he's going to be in the background why the hell not just make him a main character.  
> I'm terrible.  
> I'll be back with another chapter just as soon as I edit it... Thanks :)


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